WHY I WISH LILY ALLEN WERE MY MUM

She won our hearts back in 2006 with Smile, and despite being married with two kids, has been singing bold and inappropriate pop songs ever since. Lily Allen recently performed at Hordern Pavilion, and I came to the realization that she is the ultimate mum. In case her kids don’t already know, here is why:

1. She is the best-dressed mother I’ve ever seen. Most mothers wear those weird straight-leg jeans and sandals- but not Lily. It was hard to believe that the woman on stage, wearing a skin-tight, fluorescent cat suit, is a mother of two. She looked about 22. Whose mother can pull off a skin-tight, fluorescent cat suit? Who?

2. She is hilarious. She had no problem telling the audience about her twisted G-string, singing about bad sex and giggling through long-winded anecdotes. Despite being in front of hundreds of people in a giant venue, she managed to get everyone laughing. You would never have to be embarrassed about bringing friends over again.

3. She is a sassy feminist. With this year’s release of Sheezus, Lily Allen’s songs have progressed from dissing ex boyfriends, to patriarchy itself; “Forget your balls and grow a pair of tits...It’s hard out here for a bitch”. Every young girl needs to be raised by this mantra.

4. She’s written songs about sex, drugs and shitty boyfriends. Every taboo subject that mothers are afraid to talk to their kids about has been covered in her songs, so there’s no need for ‘the talk’. Classics like Not Fair, LDN and Not Big deal with all these topics, and were catchy enough to get the whole crowd swaying and singing. Bragging rights would hit the roof, too.

5. She could potentially start a riot. She’s that cool. Before launching into her famous song Fuck You, she asked her fans if they were angry about anything, “Come on, you’ve all got bosses, parents, political leaders...” The last suggestion was met with a roar of agreement. The crowd sang along to the lyrics “Fuck you, fuck you very, very much” with aggressive enthusiasm, and a sea of middle fingers rose into the air. We could have gone after certain political leaders easily.

6. She’s actually really sweet and motherly, despite all this. When crowd members started to throw random gifts on stage, she stopped her set, picked up someone’s wallet and kindly passed it back through the crowd to its owner. She said, “How are you going to get home? I am a mother, I can’t allow this.”

7. She gets free stuff. The amount of random objects thrown on stage during her performance was ridiculous. She ended up wearing numerous loom-band bracelets and a crowd member’s flannel shirt for most of her set. Not to mention the gigantic light-up milk bottles that were part of her set- they would look so cool in my room.

A feminist, sassy, and hilarious pop star, it’s hard not to wish Lily Allen were my mum.

Review by Martina Calvi

Photo (taken at Splendour In The Grass, yes we cheated sorry) taken on a iphone by Geneva Valek #journalism

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